Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
