I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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