grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize