i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
