you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
