Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
