would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
