I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
