I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
