his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize