My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
