Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
