You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
