so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
