I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
