my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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