Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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