I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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