I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
