lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
