Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
