New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's blow job season.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
