What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
