i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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