i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
