She is in my trunk
I want to have your abortion
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
