So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
