Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
