dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
