Ambien. No doubt about it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
