Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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