his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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