It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
