My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
