I can text with my tongue
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
