he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
