I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have started to decorate penises.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize