peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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