In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize