Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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