I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
