if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
