I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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