I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize