A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
