I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
