god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
