I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
