normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize