i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
