I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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