So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
