What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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