hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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