i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
