these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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