yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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