I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
