the condom got lost in my hair
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
