Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
