Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
