if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
