what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
