i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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